Fake Friendships Are So Real (And I Have the Stories to Prove It)

 Friendship is a beautiful thing—until you realize that some of your so-called "friends" are about as real as a plastic plant. You water them, give them sunshine, and yet… nothing. They’re just there, looking pretty, offering no real support. So, let’s talk about fake friendships, because they are so real (ironically speaking, of course). And yes, I have some stories.

The "Only When They Need Something" Friend

Ah, yes. This is the friend who magically remembers I exist the moment they need help. "Heyyy, bestie! Can you send me the notes from class?" or "OMG, I miss you! By the way, can you help me move this weekend?"

One time, I had a friend who went completely ghost for months. Then, out of nowhere, I got a text: "Hey! Long time no talk! How have you been?" I got excited, thinking maybe they finally cared about my life. Nope. Two minutes later, the real message came in: "Soooo, do you still have Netflix? Can I use your password?" Fake friendships: streaming in HD.

The "Fake Hype Squad" Friend

This friend will gas me up for anything—but only in public.

Me: "I think I’m going to start a business." Them (in front of everyone): "OMG YES, YOU’RE GONNA BE SO SUCCESSFUL!! CEO VIBES!!"

But the moment I actually start working on it?

Them: Crickets. Not even a like on my Instagram post.

I once dyed my hair and they were like, "YASSS, YOU LOOK SO GOOD!!" but later I overheard them telling someone, "I mean… I wouldn’t have done that color, but whatever makes them happy!" Gee, thanks for the support.

The "Always Competing" Friend

You ever meet someone who turns everything into a competition? I could be like, "Ugh, I only got four hours of sleep," and they'd hit me with, "Pfft, I only got TWO hours!" Oh, okay. Congratulations? Do you want a trophy or a nap?

One time, I told a friend I was learning how to cook. Instead of just being happy for me, they went, "Oh, that’s cute. I’ve actually been cooking gourmet meals since I was 12."

Cool. Guess I’ll go eat my burnt toast in shame.

The "Disappearing Act" Friend

You ever make plans with someone and the closer the day gets, the quieter they become? Then, on the actual day? Gone. Vanished. Never to be seen or heard from again.

I had a friend who made ME plan their birthday party, only for them to "accidentally" double-book themselves and not even show up. It was so awkward that even the clouds above looked disappointed.

Final Advice: Find the Real Ones!

At the end of the day, fake friends are just part of life. But the real ones? They’re priceless. They actually check in on you, support you when it doesn’t benefit them, and don’t disappear like a magician when you need them the most.

So, if you’re dealing with some fake friendships right now, here’s my advice: Drop them like a bad WiFi signal and focus on the people who actually care. Life is too short for fake hype, ghosting, and competition over who’s more tired.

And if all else fails? Well… at least I have my Netflix password back.

Haru💁