Waking Up in the Morning Is My Worst Enemy

 I had one job: wake up at 4 AM. Did I do it? No. Did I wake up feeling like I woke up at 4 AM? Also no. Instead, my alarm rang, I hit snooze like my life depended on it, and next thing I knew—BAM! It was 6:30 AM, and my day was already a mess.

The Alarm Betrayal

Let’s talk about alarms for a second. They’re supposed to be helpful, right? WRONG. My alarm goes off, and instead of getting up, I suddenly become a professional negotiator.

• "Just five more minutes."

• "Okay, ten more minutes, but that’s it!"

• "I’ll wake up properly at 4:30… or maybe 5? 6 sounds reasonable, right?"

Meanwhile, my alarm is probably judging me like, "Why do you even set me if you’re just going to ignore me?"

The Great Battle of the Bed vs. Me

Every morning, I wake up feeling like I’m stuck in quicksand. My blanket is the warmest, softest thing in existence, and suddenly, I’m rethinking all my life choices. Do I really need to wake up? What if I just quit everything and became a full-time sleeper?

My bed at night: "So uncomfortable. My back hurts. I can’t sleep." My bed in the morning: "I AM THE COZIEST PLACE ON EARTH. YOU SHALL NEVER LEAVE ME."

Morning Brain Malfunctions

The few times I do manage to wake up early, my brain refuses to function properly. My eyes are open, but am I really awake? No. Here’s proof:

• I once tried to brush my teeth with face wash.

• I poured coffee into my cereal instead of milk.

• I spent 10 minutes looking for my glasses… while wearing them.

Honestly, waking up feels like a technical difficulty I can’t fix.

Final Advice: Accept Your Fate

If you’re like me and waking up early feels like a near-impossible task, just remember: you’re not alone. Set a hundred alarms, place your phone across the room, bribe yourself with coffee—do whatever it takes. But if all else fails? Just accept that waking up is an extreme sport and you’re doing your best.

Now, excuse me while I set my alarm for 4 AM again… and wake up at 6:30 like always.