🧹 Harry Potter and the Final Roast: The Things That STILL Don’t Make Sense (Part 4)

 Alright, witches and wizards. We’ve reached the final chapter. The last chocolate frog. The final swirl of butterbeer foam. The end of a chaotic, emotionally unregulated journey through the magical mayhem that is the Harry Potter universe.

But before I say my dramatic goodbye (with wind in my hair and Hedwig singing softly in the background), I need to talk about one last batch of suspicious things that have been keeping me up at night. The final mysteries that deserve one last good unhinged blog rant.

So grab your wand, your logic (which you won't need), and your therapy owl. Let's do this one more time.

⚖️ 1. Magical Laws Are Made Up on the Spot

What even is wizarding law?

• Animagus registration? Required.

• Horcrux creation? Forbidden, but somehow there’s no legal punishment written for it.

• Killing people with Avada Kedavra? Instant death sentence.

• Turning someone into a ferret? Apparently fine.

Let’s not forget: the Ministry of Magic sentenced Harry to a full-on trial for accidental underage magic to save his LIFE. Meanwhile, Lucius Malfoy strolls around looking like a rich lizard, bribing everyone and carrying cursed objects like it’s a fashion trend.

There’s also the unforgivable curse situation. Everyone’s like “you’ll go to Azkaban for using them”—unless you’re Harry, who used Cruciatus and no one blinked.

Conclusion: Wizarding laws are just ✨vibes✨.

👩‍🏫 2. Hogwarts Professors Need HR. Immediately.

Let’s do a little staff evaluation, shall we?

• Snape: Bullies children for having emotions. Literally runs on resentment and unwashed hair.

• Trelawney: Is drunk 70% of the time and accidentally predicts doom every Tuesday.

• Lockhart: FRAUD. Literally wiped people’s memories for fun and had the confidence of 12 Gilderoys rolled into one.

• Quirrell: WAS HIDING A VILLAIN ON THE BACK OF HIS HEAD.

Like, was there no background check? No annual review? Hogwarts needs a serious “How to Be Around Children Without Traumatizing Them” training. The only teacher who consistently slayed was McGonagall—and even she turned kids into ferrets once for fun.

Also, can we PLEASE get a therapist on campus?

🧱 3. The Room of Requirement Is a Passive-Aggressive Drama Queen

This room. THIS ROOM.

It’s magical, yes. But it’s also shady. It shows up when you "need it"—but only when it feels like it. It’s like that one friend who says “I’m always here for you” and then leaves you on read for three hours.

Need to hide a cursed object? Sure. Need a secret bathroom? Done. Need a space for an entire student rebellion army to train in secret? YES, BABY.

Need a sandwich? Absolutely not.

Also, during the final battle, the room just casually decides to become a fiery death trap. Excuse me?! You were a chill storage space five minutes ago. Pick a personality.

🦅 4. Why Is No One Freaked Out About the Hogwarts Houses System?

Let's talk house trauma.

You're eleven years old. Just got dropped into a medieval castle with floating candles and a ghost that cries in toilets. And now a talking hat is about to decide your entire social life, moral alignment, and future career? YEAH OKAY, TOTALLY HEALTHY.

Ravenclaw? Congrats, you’re academically overworked.
Hufflepuff? You’re nice. That’s it.
Slytherin? People assume you kill people for fun.
Gryffindor? Chaos and ego, but you get all the screen time.

The sorting system is lowkey a magical personality test with lifelong consequences, and no one thought to question it?? Imagine being placed in Slytherin just because you liked snakes as a child. Boom. You're Voldemort now.

🧼 5. Why Can’t Wizards Just… Be Normal?

Some things Muggles do better, okay?

• Electricity? Very useful. Try using Lumos when your wand’s dead.

• Phones? More reliable than owl post in a hurricane.

• A Google search? Might’ve saved us a few thousand deaths.

Instead, wizards are over here using howlers (aggressive talking letters), fireplaces as transportation, and quills in the year 1997. Someone please get them a laptop and a pair of jeans.

Also… socks. You’d think with all the magic, they'd at least figure out how to make a matching pair appear. But no. Just Dobby out here, carrying the entire footwear industry on his back.

🕯️ Final Thoughts: Mischief Managed... For Real This Time

I started this blog series to scream about how Voldemort lived on the back of someone’s head and ended up falling even deeper into this spellbinding mess of a universe. The Harry Potter world is flawed, chaotic, sometimes terrifying, but always magical. And weirdly comforting.

Yes, Hogwarts would definitely get sued in the real world. Yes, every character needs therapy and a hug. Yes, I still want to go there anyway.

Because behind all the wild inconsistencies, suspicious logic, and magical chaos… there's heart. There's hope. There’s Harry, Hermione, Ron, Luna, Hagrid, and a whole fandom that grew up believing in something bigger.

So here’s to the forgotten rules, the cursed books, the emotionally unavailable professors, and to never fully moving on from Hogwarts.

This has been an absolute blast to write. And with that...

Mischief managed.

With all my chaotic love,
—HARU 💙⚡