Harry Potter and the Suspicious Details We Ignored (Part Two)

 You thought we were done after the ghost toilets and emotional trauma? Oh honey, we’re just getting started. The wizarding world has layers, and I’m here to peel them off like a cursed onion. Let’s goooo!

1. Hogwarts Food Is Magical… but Who’s Cooking It?

Yes, the food appears magically at the tables. Yes, there’s a feast every five minutes. BUT WHO IS MAKING IT?

The answer? House elves. Literal magical unpaid laborers. Who live in the basement. And we just let that happen. The students are up there stuffing their faces with treacle tart while the elves are sweating over a cauldron of chicken curry like it’s MasterChef: Dungeon Edition.

Also… why are there zero health inspections? One time the food was cursed. Another time it was laced with love potion. Hagrid probably tried to serve dragon steak once. The Ministry needs to intervene.

2. Some Spells Are So Useless It Hurts

Let’s talk about this. Out of all the spells in the universe, we’re out here learning:

• Lumos – Flashlight spell. Cute. But what if your wand dies mid-dungeon?

• Aparecium – Reveals invisible ink. Which sounds like the least useful thing ever unless you're spying on someone who still uses actual parchment.

• Tarantallegra – Makes your opponent’s legs dance uncontrollably. What is this? A magical TikTok challenge?

Meanwhile, there’s no spell for healing trauma, cooking instant rice, or finding your missing sock. Tragic.

Also, “Alohomora” opens locked doors. Which sounds super convenient until you realize Hogwarts has no locks that can stop a 12-year-old with a stick. Security where???

3. Voldemort Was Literally Chilling on the Back of a Man’s Head and NO ONE NOTICED

Let me get this straight. Professor Quirrell walks into school with a suspicious turban. Always nervous. Smells weird. Hisses to himself. And NOT ONE PERSON was like “Hmmm maybe we should run a background check.”

Voldemort. Was. On. The. Back. Of. His. Head.

Wasn’t Snape supposed to be good at reading minds? Dumbledore? Anyone? I’m starting to think the real spell being cast here is collective oblivion.

And he slept like that. Imagine waking up and Voldemort is whispering in your ear: “Five more minutes.”

4. The Daily Prophet Is Basically Magical Facebook

Let’s talk media. The Daily Prophet is straight-up propaganda. Half of it is fake news. The other half is Rita Skeeter being shady with her enchanted quill. No fact-checking. Just vibes.

Also, how does the wizarding world not have a single reliable news channel? No podcasts? No YouTubers? No Hermione with a vlog titled “10 Spells That Saved My Life at Age 13”?

Instead, we get an angry letter from Percy Weasley printed in bold. Priorities, people.

5. The Wizarding World Doesn’t Believe in Therapy

Harry watched like 27 people die, got possessed by Voldemort, raised by emotionally unavailable relatives, and no one offered him counseling. Not even a pamphlet.

Instead, Dumbledore gave him riddles and secrets like “you’ll understand when you’re older.” Sir, he’s 15 and hearing voices in the walls. What he needs is a session and a snack.

Also, someone please check in on Draco. That boy was not okay during Half-Blood Prince. And Snape? Snape needed therapy, two vacations, and a pet cat. Minimum.

6. Why Is Everything in the Wizarding World So Hard to Access?

Want to visit Diagon Alley? You have to tap a brick in a super specific way like you’re hacking a cheat code.

Need to get into the Ministry of Magic? Please enter via a sketchy public toilet.

Want to get on the Hogwarts Express? Good luck, hope you don’t die running into a brick wall.

It’s like the entire magical world was designed by someone who really didn’t want you to find it. (Honestly, kind of slay. But also—logistics?!)

7. The Owl Post System Makes Zero Sense

Owls deliver everything. From letters to howlers to broomsticks. But… how do they know where to go? What if you moved last week? What if you're in the shower?

And who cleans up all the owl poop raining down during breakfast?

Also, these owls are flying in storms, across oceans, through battlefields. Hedwig deserved a raise. And a bulletproof vest. RIP, my queen.

8. The Resurrection Stone Only Brings Sad Ghosts?

This legendary Deathly Hallow gives you the ability to “bring someone back.” But surprise! It just brings them back as depressed spirits who beg you to let them go. Uh… thanks?

Can we please get a version 2.0 of that thing where people come back for one last pizza and cuddle instead of emotionally haunting you? Just saying.

Also, the Elder Wand caused more deaths than it solved. The Cloak is the only one that actually slaps. Invisibility forever? We love a stealth queen.

 9. Quidditch Rules Are Insane

You play an entire team sport for hours... and then one guy catches the Snitch and ends the whole game. So basically, everyone else is just cardio background characters.

Imagine scoring 20 goals and still losing because Harry caught a golden flying lemon. No wonder the Slytherins were angry.

Also, can we PLEASE normalize helmets? These kids were flying at 100 mph and all they had was a scarf.

Final Thought Before I Go Off to Rewatch Goblet of Fire for Cedric Reasons

The Harry Potter universe is an absolute fever dream. There’s magic, dragons, secret rooms, shady spells, and deeply flawed adults who probably shouldn’t be trusted with children. But that’s why we love it. Because underneath the chaos, it’s about friendship, bravery, and the wildest boarding school experience anyone could ever survive.

And you know what? I’d still go to Hogwarts in a heartbeat. Even if it means accidentally ending up in the Forbidden Forest with centaurs again.

Let me know if you want a Part 3… I haven’t even touched magical creatures, wizarding fashion fails, or why Dobby is the only one with actual common sense.

Mischief managed. 

Haru