My Weird Takes on the Final Destination Series – Or How I Now Fear Literally Everything

Okay, so let’s talk about the Final Destination movie series. You know, the one where death is basically that toxic ex who refuses to be ignored and shows up when you least expect it—with flair, blood, and a ridiculously complex chain reaction involving a fan, some spilled coffee, and a perfectly innocent goldfish.

I don’t know what kind of mood the creators were in when they made this franchise, but I’m guessing it involved a lot of late-night anxiety and a Pinterest board titled “Creative Ways to Die.” Because Final Destination doesn’t just kill people—it kills your trust in the universe.

So, here are my weird and totally valid takes on the series. Warning: You may never live peacefully again after reading this. But hey, neither did I.

1. Death is definitely a drama queen.
Like, seriously. It can’t just be a simple fall or an accidental trip. No, death has to Rube-Goldberg the whole thing. A candle tips over, sets fire to a curtain, which panics a cat, which jumps on a remote, which starts a blender, which somehow launches a wrench into someone’s skull.

I swear Death is just freelancing as a horror movie director.

2. Escaping death? Cute idea. But try again.
Every time someone escapes, I’m like, “YASSS you go girl!” for about five seconds. Then the movie reminds me, in full slow-mo, that you can’t cheat death—only reschedule it like a dentist appointment you really don’t want to go to.

At this point, I’ve accepted that if I ever survive a freak accident, I’m immediately wrapping myself in bubble wrap and hiding in a closet until further notice.

3. The Final Destination universe gave me 78 new fears.
I used to live a peaceful life. But now?
– Escalators? Death trap.
– Gym equipment? NO THANK YOU.
– Kitchen knives? I stare at them like they’re planning something.
– Tanning beds? Okay, I was never into them anyway, but after Final Destination 3… girl, NO. (I'm already tanned!)

I can’t even sit behind a truck carrying logs without thinking, “Well, this is how I die.”

4. The real villain is gravity. And water. And electricity. And maybe wind.
You know what I’ve learned from this franchise? Everything is out to kill you. A slippery floor? Dead. A microwave beeping suspiciously? Dead. A nail sticking out of a piece of wood that you didn’t even notice until it stabbed your foot and made you fall into a live wire? DEAD.

I now treat everyday items like they’re cursed relics.

5. If I was in a Final Destination movie, I’d just apologize to Death immediately.
No running, no hiding. I’d just be like,
“Hey bestie, I know I was supposed to die in that bizarre roller coaster incident, but I didn’t, soooo… my bad. Wanna just make it quick? Preferably something that won’t ruin my face?”

Honestly, at this point, I'd just want a dignified death. Nothing involving kitchen tongs or ceiling fans, please.

6. Plot twist: Final Destination is secretly about karma.
Did you notice that most of the people who die in these movies are slightly annoying? Coincidence? I think not. Death is just out here giving natural selection a little nudge. And every time someone dies, the survivors are like “Oh my god, we have to stop it!” and I’m like “Babe, he cut in line at Starbucks, maybe Death had a point.”

Final Thoughts from the Safety of My Couch:
Final Destination didn’t just ruin my peace of mind—it absolutely annihilated it. And yet, I keep watching. Why? Because deep down, I’m dramatic too.

There’s something beautifully chaotic about a franchise that makes you fear air conditioners, dentists, pigeons, and laser eye surgery. It’s weird, it’s gory, it’s insane—and I kind of love it.

So yeah. If I ever randomly start staring into space after narrowly avoiding a paper cut, know that I’m just mentally checking if death has me on the schedule today.

With paranoia and a seatbelt always fastened,
HARU ⚰️